Guess what one of my new years’ resolutions was? More blogging. Well, we’re already one full month into 2010 and this is my first attempt. Actually that’s not true at all; new years’ resolutions are crap. In any event, I don’t appear to be doing any better so far. BUT! Things actually happened tonight and I feel compelled to share.
First, the plus side to getting up ass-early in the morning:
I usually lean on my facebook updates to compile these blog posts as they act as a mini-blog of sorts and I can refer to them later to expand on. Imma go ahead and throw up some of the best ones and elaborate when necessary:
“They must be paying you higher; they’re charging us more!” Bad troll. 0/10
Just had a staring contest with some Asians. Not really sure what the hell that was all about.
-Totally serious. They gave me some money. I tendered their change. Then we just had it out. Occasionally they mumbled something incoherent, I explained that I couldn’t understand them and the staring continued. Eventually they drove away so I think that means that I won. These next few don’t really need any explanation.
“ARE YOU BORED? ARE YOU BORED? YOU LOOK BORED.”
“Yea.. All I have is nickels.”
I’ve never seen so many Canadians by 8:30 in my life. Also, the flames on the truck make it go faster.
“Hold out your damn hand!”
“Can you just let me go? I don’t want to hold people up.” “There’s no one behind you.”
“Happy New Year; you don’t have to stay sober if you don’t want to!”
“My daughter thinks your handsome and would like you to have this.” (Bag of Candy!)
“Thank you ma’am-er, sir, er, whatever.”
-In fairness, my hair is getting pretty long.
Question of the day:
“Um, what is this exactly?” “…A tollbooth.”
-We shall call him “bewildered and cashless.” Perfect.
Alright, which one of you hipsters put the Apple Computer sticker on that redneck’s truck?
-I’m sorry, but there is NO WAY that he is a mac enthusiast. No way dudes.
Free gum from a trucker. Does I open?
- I did. Still standing. And it was tasty.
The employee who thinks I hunt just showed me a picture of a “17 pointer” Not sure what that even means and I’m pretty sure he’s going to find me out eventually. But until then the charade continues; told him I haven’t gotten anything yet this season. Have a feeling I’m not going to get anything either.
- I think he totally found out from someone else that I don’t hunt because he doesn’t bring it up anymore. In fact, he barely acknowledges me. A friendship built on lies never succeeds.
Plus side to fat co-worker? Free ten piece.
Also, don’t know exactly what that trucker said to me but I did hear “needs money for prostitutes.”
Looking back on those, I don’t know how my Facebook friends deal with all those updates. Actually, it does explain why I’m losing about one a week. Annnnyway, two fun stories from tonight.
First, a carload rambunctious black girls pull up. The very first thing I hear from one of the girls in the back is “Oooh he’s cute… Chandra(or some other urban name) you should go for him.” They proceeded to ask(yell at) me for my phone number and to hang out with them later, on the assumption that I knew what would be up in town. When I failed to show any interest, the next question was “WHAT?? YOU DON’T LIKE BLACK GIRLS??”
Mind you, I’m just trying to collect a toll. I politely told them that I was working and that I really didn’t want to hang out. (Repeating this a few times as they continued to yell over me) As I gave them their change they told me that it was my loss and proceeded to repeatedly tell me that I was ugly. Guess I missed out on a pretty good time.
Right near the end of my shift tonight a lady asked me how I had come about to become a toll collector. I never really want to get into the story (partly because I’m not all that proud of where I am these days) and I think she was a little put off at first. I did humor her but the quote that stuck with me was “Oh god, I hope he doesn’t have to work there for like another forty years!”
Me too…
I think that’s plenty toll hijinx for one night. Thanks for coming by! I’m definitely hoping to be here a little more often (though I ultimately hope to get a new job and shut this all down and block this part of my life from my memory forever. But hey, until then, we muddle on!
